I am positively looking forward to filming today and tomorrow. Something tells me the stakes are super high and me being in the movie and kinda having to act is scary, but the costume helps so much. It will all be fine and good. I am sure.
Also if not, that will be just as fine - the process is the project.
I keep telling myself that there should be this playful baseline for the entire process and lately it was a bit lost on me. Yesterday when preparing the dough for the carp I felt so useless and meaningless but I think it is just part of the journey to lose hope or just be so wrapped up in creating that you lose the bigger perspective.
It does come back to me when I talk to people about it, about the freedom non-definition can grant to identitiy, the power that can be found in embracing the moment’s performative qualities. In letting go of the need of objective identity. There is so much here that is important to me, granted for the moment I am buried in the technicalities of production.