The life-sized breadman is baked and ready to go and be tied together.
Also got all the filming material from uni today.
Spent the last 3 days at home kind of going crazy, I don’t really know why. Before that my days were mostly spent organizing my move for January. Which is fine.
I find it hard to keep playful and light, I think in a way since drawing that storyboard it became such a monolith and a goal that made it feel impossible to change up, or have fun with it.
And I somehow reached some more of that yesterday after spening a day feeling awfully stuck between bein present, where christmas preparations were in full swing and then thinking I ought to work on the project more.
Something clicked after doing yoga at night and journaling unmotivatedly - I think I really need to remind myself also - I have a plan for what to film but a lot will happen and can happen around it. Once all the gear is out it will happen quickly and as a byproduct almost. There will be so much to pick from. People are helping me. And then when it’s all done and shot I can just compose and arrange however I feel like it. Like mixing it up, using scenes, altering some, changing them, using any of the older material I have. It is just a question of arrangement and it will be a fun process.
I picked up all the gear from vienna today, with my brother in my parents’ transporter. And it went really well, everything went so smoothly. We even had time to stop for lunch.
Selma did such an amazing job with the fool’s costume and just wearing it my demeanor changes, I really want to lean into that.
It is just what it is, nothing more, nothing less. That’s also what I was reading in outside belingings by Elspeth Probyn. That there is this translation of “whatever” - honestly hard to translate what it actually talks about - dense text - but there is this idea in there that whatever comes from this phrase that actually means “being in such a way that it matters” - and how anything matters. A fact which simultaneousyl hyphenates and dissolutes the importance of everything.
There is beauty in that. I place so much on this idea of the film I came up with and it does matter so much - but simultaneously everything else does. So where it lands is not as important as the ambition and intention of it?
I know I will make it beautiful and meaningful and light at the same time. And I will just arrange until it is just that. And if it becomes something else entirely then that is that. It all matters. And whatever.