I look at what I am making and it feels like a stranger has set the course on the project so far.
It feels as if i have lost all control again over doing what feels right and went straight back into doing what feels expected.
It’s a side-effect of D-Day coming closer I am sure, but in parts I believe that it is also the biggest chunk of material in the project so far which makes it seem like a thing in itself.
I have doubts about whether this is still true to my plan. Whether this is following my gut instinct and creating freely, intuitively, foolishly. It seems to me that playful aspect has left center stage, so has the arbitrariness of the medium itself. Bread was a stand-in, a thing to ponder on when pondering was the part of this process I sp wanted to embrace, look into.
The materiality is of second order. First order were the ways in which the work shaped me, how i reflected, how it showed so plainly the systems I am in - internally and externally. It was an embrace of the failure, an embrace of just doing for doing’s sake that turned all too serious - maybe.