What Am I trying to elicit? Who do I want to reach?
Different versions of myself, people working through the bittersweet rural past as queer persons.
There is so much pain still, just in thinking about who I want to reach and what I want them to feel through my work makes me emotional.
Confrontation with an opressive past.
People on the countryside would rather turn a blind eye to obvious queer performance than to face their own prejudice. Their highest goal is safety and serenity, any dissonance in their day to day is perceived as a terrible thing. People walk in lines so straight, on tracks predetermined by a hive-mind of façaded individuals.
Dissonance in that context can enable people to step out of their roles, which I would believe a lot of people desire. Even if just internally stepping out.
I am spending time at home now and its so strange - I barely reflect on my queerness in the home context. I am not out here really? Not publicly. Not that I have to be but still.